Turn that beat up

My two favorite things. Ames in the summer, and Ames on a Sunday morning. Sunday morning Ames is recovery time. Barely anyone is on the road, and are usually sleeping in. Summer in Ames is half-full, at that. So, on literally zero minutes of sleep, after pedaling back at 7:15 this morning, I turned around and took a ride through campus at 7:30 am. I just went down to Lake LaVerne and rode around that once. It was cold out, but not too cold. I passed two people on the entire trip, and it was a wonderful feeling. I love this city for what it is. I love the weather lately, and the shape I'm getting in. I like being able to ride anywhere in Ames in about 10 minutes, and actually getting a tan. I like parties, and no curfew, and working enough to make bank, but not enough to burn out. I like tights and bandanas and v-neck t-shirts. I love summer. I love Ames. I love old friends. I love love love new friends. I am so content.

Indecisions lasting for years.

I think everything has changed since January. I guess for the better? I live with my best friend. I live in my favorite town. I guess things are awkward around this place though. Two days in and already I feel out of place. But I guess that is just one of those things I will be forced to get over. This is my town, this is where I call home. So I have just as much of a right to it as you do. I sometimes don't know who I am anymore. Then I realize, that I don't care. Right now, I'm in survival mode. I often look at the corruption and failure in this world and seriously just feel on the verge of suicide. You can't escape it. I get worried.

I need God to make boys not my vice anymore. 

lets make this interesting:

You will all suffer as a pig might. You all will suffer as the swine you are.

The good advice that you just didn't take

I fit the female stereotype more than I ever want to admit. Sitting around, being bitchy, eating chocolate, and listening to Alanis Morissette.

mmmm

"feel good" revolution

Today starts a set of blogs. Specific, themed blogs, meant to release some anger, and to get my writing going again.
The first in the series, disorganized at best:

War is unending. Our country began with a war. I'm convinced it will end the same way. We will soon lose our status as the number one empire in the world. Corrupted reasons, nine trillion dollars in debt (and growing every day), and a lack of our own resources will do us in. We borrow, borrow borrow. Print, print, print. When will we have enough! When will it be enough! A war on terror, sans weapons of mass destruction, turned into a war for oil. We need our gasoline and petroleum so badly that we're sacrificing American lives. Our world is a world that would shut down without war. Why? What is the need for such an unsettling force? We are driven by conflict as humans. Plot, controversy, things like that move us along. Driven by murder and scandalous government decisions. So why are we so adamant about the importance of war? Why is peace such a hard concept to grasp? Human nature destroys me. It rips my heart into a million pieces. Genocidal killers, with no heart, where killing is no object, and they block out remorse. What gives? I ask this; why are these people deserving of the ability to block out trauma. Trauma they have caused. They are not. In war, not only are civilians and casualties victims, but everyone involved in a war is a victim in my eyes. Those who fall for the corrupted ideas of war, those who fight for a country with ideals they don't believe in. Whether these soldiers are added to mortality numbers or their souls are just demolished, they are victims. Leaders of war, Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, (in my opinion) George W. Bush, all victims. Misguided victims. Whoever started Vietnam, the generals of the Confederate states. War is a victimizing, humiliating time for all parties involved. What war are we 100% free of shame over? What war were we, or the opposing side completely moral? War is nothing but a blemish on history, that we can't seem to cure.

Hey, how could you love me this way.

Today is the most disappointed I've been in a long long time. I feel betrayed all over. By my country, by my community, by the person I should be closest to. I am really starting to consider moving away and skipping Iowa State. I want out of here. By here, I do not mean Iowa, I mean the country. I have no use for America anymore. I have no use for "friends" who don't have the common courtesy to be decent.

Run where you'll be safe

I'm having a really bad day. I don't use this much anymore. Probably because I have nothing to say anymore. All I talk about is work. I love work. I love my jobs. Thats the only good part of today is my work christmas party. work work work work. yay. I guess I also don't use this because I don't talk to anyone who reads it anymore. Whats the point of personal blogging to strangers? Gay. Gamestop is my safe haven.

Living in those days that hold me back, they hold me back, they hold me down

Christmas is coming up soon, but instead of looking forward, I'm looking back. I'm realizing things I am most thankful for, maybe a couple weeks late. First and foremost, I am thankful for ICA. I may complain about the school, but the people there are the most phenomenal and most accepting people I've ever come into contact with. Petty, yes. Judgemental, yes. Corrupt, yes. But not at all to the degree I have seen in others. I've made maybe one or two good friends there, and I don't hang out with ICA kids outside of school, but I really consider them my family. Being grounded has made me really appreciate my other friends also. Cody, the insanity that keeps me sane. Enough said. I could go on for days, but I won't. Genya, my soulmate. I love this girl and miss her so much and can't wait to get ungrounded so we can start our adventures again. I miss Nick more than almost anyone. My best guy friend that isn't Cody. Nick's wacky stories, most probably exaggerated, and just the way things work out in his life always keep me entertained. Josh Ladd has become one of the most important people in my life also. We always used to fight, but now I can tell him anything. And you people, cough Zach, who said we should just date...um ew. Josh and I have always been ridiculously platonic, always will be. I'm thankful for my Nick's Bar and Grill family. The people I work with make my day better, time after time. Eric, the "jolly" waiter, who Genya and I love more than most people on this planet. Because he puts up with our fake flirting, fake flirts back, and think we're funny!!!! Maureen because she is an English teacher, and I'm heavily considering asking her to adopt me. Brett because his initials are B A Champion. hahaha, be a champion. Emily because she's...out of control. Just the entire setting. I don't want to leave that place. I also got hired at Gamestop. I think that job will be a lot of fun. Because just talking to people about games and electronics is pretty fly if you ask me. And last but not least, I am thankful for my little brother. He has kept me company while I'm grounded, helped gang up on our parents, and been the stupidest person ever to come into my life. Oh yeah, and Jude Law for accidentally being naked on the internet.