Tell me that a word like "unity" is not just ink spilled on the page

The thing about high school is that it is all bullshit. Every second of every day is complete and total bull. The stuff you learn in classes is not what will help you, and we all know that. I know that there are more important things for me to be doing than trigonometry or AP Chemistry. I know that even though I have had a bad teacher experience this year, writing and reading is what I live for. I get so lonely, and the people created on pages always seem to get it. I take that for granted a lot. Holden Caulfield from The Catcher In The Rye and the person Charles Bukowski creates himself to be are essentially the type of person I think of myself as. Aside from their actions though, the thoughts and emotions I see so clearly and feel connected to. I can count the number of people who I have understood and they have understood me on a half a hand. This whole Chuck Palahniuk thing is sort of over my head. I'm not sure if he is just hyped up too much, or if I just don't like his style. That tears me apart every time I pick up Diary. I wish I had a neutral opinion on the guy, but I don't, and it's a crappy thought that I might be missing out. This whole Perks thing needs to be put to rest as well. I loved that book with 50000% of my heart, and then I read Catcher. I think Perks is just written as an updated version, with drugs and language to make it more relatable. Catcher has stood the test of generations and generations, and I still feel the same way Holden does. I do have to admit that Chbotsky probably wrote better than Salinger, but it still doesn't balance anything out. Charles Bukowski as always resides as an alter ego. I find comfort in the fact that although he had success as a writer and had plenty of sex and women in and out of his life, he was real. He was raw and blunt and didn't really care how politically correct he was. His tombstone reads "don't try" and he often speaks about how lazy he is. However, he left his phone number listed in the phone book. Getting fan calls to your house doesn't sound that great of a deal, but he was lonely to the point where he needed interaction. I think that makes him so more real and I completely understand that. I like people with the same warped logic as I and I easily find it in Bukowski. The same with Sylvia Plath. The Bell Jar just proves the fact that she thought it was completely logical to put her head in an oven.
I think through prose we can see a person for who they really are. You can see the vulnerabilities and subconscious thoughts. You can see them reflected through their fiction and you can see the fiction and shame reflected through their truth. I think I'd like to make people understand who I am. I'd like them to understand what I stand for, why, and how I will enforce it. I would like to be able to convey myself on a page and have someone pick it up and know the same feeling. That is the best feeling for me. Feeling so alone until someone writes something that you're convinced is about you. And maybe there are kids out there like me who just need to get out of the confines of their high schools and out of the structure and pressure Americans put on each other to work cubicle jobs and wear a suit to work. I'm sorry, but an accountant is not going to leave a mark on the world. However, a writer could.

Never back down, never give in.

It's time to stand your ground. The time is now. Don't be another victim. Take back what's yours. Stay true to your convictions.

Yeah thanks Throwdown.

I turned seventeen on Tuesday. My mom made some lame joke about how old I looked. I didn't laugh. Nothing is going to change overnight just because I'm older. I can honestly say that was the most pathetic day of my life. I decided that I needed pity and attention. I didn't tell anyone about my birthday. Nobody remembered. I have no right to be mad about that. I didn't tell anyone, I tried to completely avoid the topic. My friends came over and made my birthday worth it. I am the lamest person ever. Who in their right mind does that? No one. Good thing I'm never in my right mind. I realized that some of the best memories I have are with people who don't really mean that much to me. People you'd consider aquaintances maybe.

I wonder why I let people screw me over so much. Why I let people mess with my head and my emotions and make me absolutely miserable because they can't make up their mind. Why when I finally figure out what I want, or don't want, I can't stick with it. Why I rarely confront people. I mean, it would probably be helping them. You know, character development and stuff. But I just don't want to be mean. Which is the weird thing. Because I can be so malicious and rude sometimes. So why not stick with one or the other. I mean obviously I'd rather be nice all the time, but I have my bitterness. I also wonder why I screw people over so much. Why I mess things up with friendships for no reason. Friends are in and out of my life so quickly it seems. I have steady friends now, but I just get scared I'll screw things up with them too. I seem to not have the ability to not screw up any sort of relationship I have. Friends, boys, family. I just need to stop. I need to breathe and figure it out. I need consistancy and appreciation. Although I do not always deserve appreciation. It happens you know?

Prom is in a couple weeks.
Awsome. Really frickin awesome. Except not at all.

I've got friends who, who will help me pull through.

I love my friends.

I love being appreciated.

I love As Cities Burn.

I love birthday cake.

I love two bottles of POM.

I love not having to say I'm sixteen anymore.

April 25, 2007

Iowa City, IA @ The Picador

As Cities Burn, Cool Hand Luke, Olympia

Waterloo, IA
@ Pepsi Pavillion Hatebreed, God Forbid, Terror, Evergreen Terrace, and more...

May 4, 2007

St Paul, MN @ Myth

Killswitch Engage, DragonForce, Chimaira, He Is Legend

( holy crap!!!!!)

May 17, 2007

Omaha, NE @ Sokol Underground

Hellogoodbye, Boys Like Girls, The Rocket Summer

June 21, 2007

Omaha, NE @ Sokol Auditorium

Deftones, Dir En Gray, Fall Of Troy

August 30, 2007

Omaha, NE @ Sokol Underground

Comeback Kid, Silverstein

this summer is going to be good.

Run DMC is the king of the swing!

I really really realllllly want these:




AND




those are fakes though.
but yeah
D&G pants and Run DMC shoes
:)

Hey hey, smoke weed everyday.

So, it's really sweet how some stupid sophomore who needs attention threatened to kill 38+ people. I mean, he had a specific list of thirty eight kids. Sweet how since he has had a past of "mental instability" we should feel sorry for him. That is absolutely no excuse. I know a handful of "mentally instable" people, including myelf, and none of them would ever kill one person. I think it is bullshit how although there were supposedly other kids involved, we still have school today. I think it is bullshit how my parents weren't going to make me go, but now they suddenly decided that I'm old enough to face a gunman. I'm pretty sure age has nothing to do with it. If a kid walks into my school with a gun pointed at my face I don't think that because I'm old enough I'd live. Just a thought. I also think it's bullshit how we have "security" today, yet no police. Only our regular "cops". Don't worry, I feel so safe and protected. They're ninety and don't actually do anything at all. I feel so safe, sitting in my econ class, the seat farthest away from the door. Don't worry, the windows aren't breakable and it's a two story drop anyway. Oh, and there's only one door. Hehe, sounds like a game at the fair to me! See how many econ students you can kill because the school cops do nothing and the administration deemed it safe to come to school on a day where our lives are threatened. I think it's bullshit how when I told my mom my life was threatened she said "whatever. you weren't on the list. stop being overdramatic. shut up." Oh really? Because since some of those kids are in my classes, if I am sitting in there and he just starts randomly shooting at us, my life isn't in danger in any way. The bullets will BEND around me just to kill those 38 kids. Sweet how its 4/20 and I feel like getting high. I'm so stressed out and I really really don't want to be at this place.





heheheheheheheh! anyone else find this as hilarious as I do!?



YEAH. ME NEITHER.

The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes

So I was looking at Val-Air Ballroom's upcoming concerts and some things struck me as funny.

1. LAZERfest 2007
Featuring Hinder; Buckcherry; Papa Roach; Saliva; Fuel; Facecage; Index Case

-okay. I don't even think this needs any explanation.
Lazer has collected the grossest bands they could possibly find. Hinder? Saliva? Seriously. Add Nickelback to that lineup and you'll have all the bad rock genre covered. Except Nickelback fans don't wear bondage. They'd probably get beat up by all the "metal" kids in their Slipknot shirts and mesh. Okay, enough rippin on these kids. I'm sure hardcore is just as bad...except not.

2. SOLD OUT - The Killers

-Hahahahaha. The Killers. Sold Out. I think that is hilarious. I'm not sure if I'd consider them sellouts necessarily, but come on. Look at the drastic change in their image from Hot Fuss to Sam's Town. Brandon Flowers seems like he has an ego as big as their record sales. He's said bands were riding on the coattails of The Killers, that their new album would be the best album of the past twenty years, and that it was cheap for Green Day to have their DVD in England because the kids there didn't know what it meant. He said that The Killers were a much better symbol of America. Mind you they moved to England to get signed. He also got pissed off that Fall Out Boy was getting huge (not Patrick, the band's success) and said that they were hogging the mutual A&R rep. I'm sorry, but that is so much like Panic! At The Disco (love that band dearly, even after all their bullshit). Have your first album out and expect to outsale a band who has been around for YEARS. Fall Out Boy had a split Ep with Project Rocket, FOB's Evening Out With Your Girlfriend, Take This To Your Grave (by far the best album put out by them. Probably one of the best albums in the past seven years) and then they struck it big with mainstream and not so great From Under The Cork Tree. And The Killers? They released Hot Fuss and made, well, quite a fuss about it. I also don't mean to rip on The Killers. I like Hot Fuss and all. But Flower's attitude pisses me off. Hahaha at FOB who were going to name a song "You Can't Spell STAR Without A&R" HAHAHA. just saying.

You can blame me for everything

When it comes to school, I will admit one thing: If I spent as much time doing homework as I do complaining about school I'd be a straight A student. But, I'm a whiner, and school sucks.

Besides that, The Almost album is addicting.

I'd have to say my favorite songs on it are Stop It! and Amazing Because It Is.
Myspace
do it, please.
Cara says it's cute and adorable. Hahah

Speaking of MySpace
...I caved like the Twin Towers
I suck, I know.
And I just made a really bad simile. Really really politically incorrect. Whatever, I'll live. Dubya isn't gonna come to my house and tell me to stop comparing a networking site to a national crisis.



That's what I say to you mister Bush.


Bryce Avary is the future of this country.
B. Avary 4 pr3z

Cause the truth you know is that I have just been hating so many things that I do

"It can be a challenge walking in the world and keeping everything balanced, but I'm trying my hardest to be a light in the darkness."


"So let me get this straight/Cause I have a question/You’re saying he’d listen if I were to speak/Yes that’s what I’m saying, in fact I was just thinking/He’s probably thinking of asking you the same very thing/He wants to say “you’re okay, be my friend/Let me help you and take you out of this lake that you are clearly drowning in/Make me yours and I’ll make your mine”

Truth.

And if I lived until I was 102...

That was a fun day.
I'm graduating before second semester next year.
See ya Valley.

everything it seems i like's a little bit sweeter, a little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me.

So, if there is one thing I'm sick of, it's people who think they know everything. People who even though they are in no way involved in a situation think they have the right to talk about it knowingly. People who jump in the middle of a conversation when they have zero previous knowledge. People who say things that supposedly people have said, even though they don't really know the person at all. Especially when it is so incredibly unlike something the person would say. Can you say BUTT OUT? Yeah, I guess not. Bullshit I say. I think most people will know what situation people are getting involved in, but I really don't want to discuss it. I think if you know, you know, and there is no point in BLOGGING about it of all things. I have to say though. Matt and Maddie have been the most amazing friends this week. Haha, Mattie and Maddie. Sweet! I've also been BFFs with The Last Kiss soundtrack. Especially Chocolate (Snow Patrol), Star Mile (Joshua Radin), El Salvador (Athlete), Reason Why (Rachel Yamagata), and especially Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk (Rufus Wainwright). All amazing songs.

So I thought of two things.
People need to stop metal-ing in my business.
Yes, I know its meddling.

L0L GIT 0UTT@ MY BU$IN3$$ DR@G0NF0RC3!!!!
...HAAAAAAAAA OKAY.

I also made a nice Mad Lib today.
I guess I channel my anger very creatively.
Here, use it on your friends!


Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha
Ha, ha-ha, ha
Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha
Ha, ha-ha, ha

[Will.I.Am]
It's funny how a man only thinks about the__________(verb)
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking at your________(noun)
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your_________(noun)
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your_________(noun)

[PCD]
I don't give a_______(verb)
Keep looking at my_________(noun)
Cause, it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my__________(noun)
Ha, I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your_________(noun)
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha


sw33t m@d l1bz 1 kn03.
I'll like, probably, like, post, like, the best, like, pussy cat libs. I mean Mad Libs.

Omggggggggg. Anger channeling is st00000pid.
I'm going to take Plant Science next year.
Just so I can have that one cute teacher who I don't want googling his name and my blog coming up on his search...... Oh baby oh baby.

All my friends got flowers in their eyes, but I got none this season.

I love Zach Braff so much.

"I met Donald Trump today. It was odd because I’ve never met a person while holding a bobble-head doll of them. By coincidence, someone had just given it to me. If you ever get the opportunity to meet a person while holding a bobble-head doll of them, you too will notice it is an odd feeling that is better felt than described. He was nice. I told him that I am a big fan of his show. I don’t watch tons of reality TV, but there’s something about that guy… I don’t know- he makes me laugh. And in an odd/superficial way you do learn a little about big business."


Ew
That woman hasn't washed her hair in 11 years. She's wearing a poncho like thing, thus making her a hippy. I'm sure she doesn't like eating animals and smokes lots of dope. Her hair looks really dry and dead to me. Natural oil also damages your hair. Duh. Every four days isn't so bad. But eleven years? And actually that article is two years old, which makes it 13 years. I think she does it for attention personally. Who in their right mind is too lazy to wash their hair, ever? I think it is pathetic and lazy not to have actual hygiene. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross.