Creative Writing final.

Final reflection

“Sometimes you walk the line, and sometimes the line walks you.” I think that definitely describes my struggle with writing. I realized that there are some things I’m good at and some I’m just plain terrible at. I just have to deal with it and go with what I know. Over the semester I feel I improved at writing significantly. It might have been the fact that I got new ideas for how to write and what to write. Or it could have been the simple fact that I had a chance to actually write regularly. I realized what types of writing I enjoy, and which ones I’m bad at. I discovered what made me write well, and I also had a wonderful case of writers block for about two to three weeks. I feel like I lived a lifetime of a writer through a semester. Struggling, critiques, hating my own writing, writers block, and occasionally feeling good about what I’ve written.

One thing I don’t feel too fabulous about still is my short story. I chose my story “More Adventurous” just for the simple fact that it was the story I spent the most time on. I struggled with finding ideas and putting them onto paper. I think after a lot of work it came out adequate, but nothing I’d really show off. Stuff like “Being Jenny wasn’t as fun as knowing Jenny.” told more than showing, but I couldn’t seem to figure out how to show that. I think the main idea of the story is good, like if I heard about what it was I’d like it, but after reading it I’d chance my mind drastically. I wish I would have elaborated more on the last two paragraphs. That is where she is actually shown changing and that’s the turning point of the story. I condensed it all into two paragraphs that kind of resembled the “wrap-up” dialogue at the end of movies. You know, so and so went on to do this and this and this. Great for a movie, bad for a story. Re-reading it now, I actually despise this story, but none of my other stories were anywhere near decent, so when your best story is something you hate I guess you realize that short stories just aren’t your thing.

On a less harsh note, I think I used good choices of words when I was doing all that telling. “By the end of the week she had figured out why General Hospital was better than Days of Our Lives.” I like that line, soap operas are known to be entertainment for bored sick kids, and bored mothers. I also think everyone knows a Jenny. The character itself was relatable, everyone knows the person who is so perfect but so alone at the same time. At age sixteen or seventeen, not many teenage girls get along well with parents, so although Jenny was older than that, that was something I think people would connect with. I really like the random “On a cold Thursday in March,” it seems like I was trying to seem all formal and very Plath like. Although the sentence itself is sort of one of those types of “nature crap” I dislike, the fact that I wrote it makes me laugh at myself, and like my variety of writing a little more. Of course when I say like my variety, I mean laugh at the random things I will throw into one story. I also really liked the title I picked. At first you’d think Jenny was adventurous and living life on the “edge” or whatever mature people say. But then you realize that it will take more courage for Jenny to stop destroying her own life, and that makes her much “More Adventurous.” I also learned over this semester that punctuation goes within the quotation marks. I just thought I’d make that clear after thinking about where it goes so many times in this monster of a paragraph.

As far as my poetry goes, I like this a little more. Most of it I struggled with, and didn’t do well with. Right before my writer’s block I wrote three I liked a lot. I liked the one about water, I think I got that from seeing some of my friends get really drunk and be stupid, I then valued water a lot more. The one about my friend’s mom dying, when Taylor told me that story, it was basically a poem in itself. I managed to make a few friends tear up at that one, in a good way. The one I liked most was “Take It as It Comes.” To be honest, I struggled very hard to create a persona. I managed to do it well, but only with a good amount of help. When I mean a good amount of help, I mean I looked at the life of someone else. If you were to read a biography about Jim Morrison, of the Doors, you could summarize it with my poem. I’m not sure if that fit the assignment or not, so I neglected to say anything until now. I created a persona though, and so I think that’s all that matters. Aside from stealing Jim’s life, I think I wrote the poem well. I liked the juxtaposition between James and Jim. The whole second stanza where he says stuff he should do/be shows two things. It shows what is acceptable and what he should do, and also what he is not. The whole “People know who I am. /People don’t know who I am. /I know who I am. /I have no idea who I am.” was actually original. I realized that people knew who Jim Morrison was, but they didn’t know actually who he was. I think I showed that well. I also think the repetition with slight variation is helpful to understanding the character more. I think a lot about how a person’s motives and ideas are only understood by themselves, and that came out in this poem. I also think the first person form helped believe and understand the character. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what it is about this poem I like so much, but I do. Maybe that’s a good thing that you can’t analyze what you like, maybe it means it just gives off a good feeling. I’d like to go with that.

On the contrary, the whole unoriginal issue still makes me mad. It frustrates me that I couldn’t think of a persona, and while the poem turned out okay, I maybe could have come up with one on my own. I also don’t think most people my age would understand this poem. Or most people in general. By throwing in references to Nietzsche and Paris and the age twenty-seven could easily throw people off. Of course, hardcore Doors fans would instantly know who this is about. If I read a poem like this, which I do quite often (it’s the downside of being a huge Buk fan), I wouldn’t really understand why Paris and other things were thrown in there. I also don’t like the title of this piece. I just took a title from a Doors song, but I think it contradicts the poem to the fullest. Jim talks about how he just wants to die and how he’s already on his way. The title somewhat encourages optimism, and the mentality of not becoming overwhelmed. Also, the first mini-stanza could be elaborated on much more. I should have put that further in the poem and added things about leaving college and drinking too much. I guess one stanza out of nine isn’t too bad for a poem written between classes though. I know, five minutes to do an assignment, I do what I can.

My favorite narrative is one that I have no use for. I chose “Chaos” because although it was another “type-a-quick-story-at-lunch” kind of deal, it turned out well. If I don’t panic and have time to dwell on my lack of creativity I tend to write better. That’s why I’m writing this assignment three hours before it’s due, and I’m proud of that procrastination. Anyway, I found this assignment to be pretty easy for me. I had actually just re-decorated my room and spent days scouring through Rolling Stone, Vogue, books, The Bible, and old pictures for a new “wallpaper.” Since my personal style is very contradictory of itself, it made the whole juxtaposition deal a lot easier. The whole narrative is based around juxtaposing two very unlike things and word choice. I really like the part about my mirror having lyrics on it where I said “I have no desire to actually see myself in this mirror, but to see This Is Me.” Tricky stuff right there. I feel like if there is someone who actually understands all of my references, they would know me very well by the end of this. At the end though, I talked about not being able to fall asleep in my own bed. The whole tone was sort of changed. It went from learning about things I like and how disorganized I am to realizing that I am still a person and I have a good amount of problems to keep me up all night. I think the part with the mirror foreshadows that. The part about throwing clothes around my room for a date also shows that I’m a real human with emotions and not just literature. I hope that this would make someone use Google an insane amount with an interest of what all the weird things I mention are.

As I said in the poem, I think my references could be destructive though. If you understand a few of them you could probably get the general gist of things, but I don’t explain for people who don’t. I reference Buk and Nietzsche to contrast other things, but without knowing about them and who they are is somewhat useless. “Anti-aids campaign posters from Rolling Stone on the other side of Buk” is a direct reference to his poem “Before AIDS” (The Last Night of the Earth Poems), where he talks about how glad he is he had so much sex before the outbreak of AIDS. Placing Nietzsche next to a Bible is also contrasting views, but unless you know that Nietzsche encourages an Anti-Christian morality, that irony might be lost. I hate that I didn’t elaborate on whose comforter I sleep with. Adding that I sleep on a little bed with my eight year old brother’s blanket probably could have shown what I was talking about littleness even more. I guess I already talked about him where I said “the children’s section of GAP, and my eight year old brother’s sweaters.” and that shows my use of his stuff, but I think the comforter thing is just left out there to hang and conclude itself. I also wish I had separated the last paragraph into two. I could have talked about my cell phone and helping my friends in one paragraph, and then my inability to sleep in the next. I should have put the paragraph about my bed right before that to show why the sheets are always tangled. Although I still could change a lot on this narrative, I don’t have any use for it in the future, so I think I’ll use that time to do something less productive.

Overall, I think this class has been more beneficial to me than any other ones. I don’t see a point in taking math and science when all I want to do is write. I realize that if I hadn’t had a break during the day just to read and write, I would have done even worse this semester in all my other classes. I don’t know if that’s much possible, but I’m sure taking Foods or Film Appreciation wouldn’t have helped me out as much. I am trying to switch out of Mod American Lit for Creative Writing 2, because I really don’t think that class will do much for me. I pretty much consider Bukowski to be the most influential on my writing. I’m not going to be a professional reader, so I’d rather be writing. I think I would focus on the narratives and poems most if I had a choice. I feel like I can only write about my experiences or someone I know. Overall I think I’ve improved a lot this semester on certain things, and stayed the same on some. I want to pursue some sort of writing as a career, but I don’t have enough skill, interest in journalism, or ideas of what to do. I don’t want to end up with an English major and think “haaaaaah, what do I do with this?” So that’s pretty much it. I don’t know if I have any words in my brain left. I still need to shower, eat breakfast and turn this in by noon.

I got a 97% on that. meh.