Some friendship changes over the past few years:
For the ones of my friends and I, I didn't pick them by "losing best friends" or whatever. There are people in there who were never more than acquaintances. But it's drastic change anyway.
October thirty-first I wrote "My biggest goal appearance wise is to be one of those girls who ALWAYS looks good. I see girls who I think "ugh I wish I could be that cute. I could never pull that off though." Looks aren't everything. But no one wants to look in the mirror and think "gross! I look horrible. I'm ready for the day!" I should probably stop analyzing these things. Or else I'll end up shallow, bitchy and stupid."
I ended up not cute, but yeah, shallow and mean. How does one person become who they don't want to be in less than two months. I saw Brand New that night. I played Halo the first time. I got a new cell phone. What happened in those months that made me this different. Is it social things? Family problems? Relationship changes? Getting closer to God? (although I'd think that'd make me go the opposite way). Is it deleting my MySpace?
B.F. Skinner said if you gave him a baby and let him create their whole world, have no outside interactions or anything, he could make them into whatever he wants. But is that true? I strongly believe people are shaped by their beliefs and environment. But what about instincts, and the similarity of everything. I can quote The Perks Of Being A Wallflower right now. The part where he says "And I know if that person had gone to another school they would have gotten their heart broken by someone else. So why does it have to be so personal?" Even if I was taken out of Valley, I would still have the same struggles with social and academic pressures. Girls will be girls, US History will be US History. I don't mean to disqualify a psychologist's theories by quoting a fiction book, but times have changed Skinner. So if I wanted to change into a complete fashionista could I be put into a fashion company and would that make me "that person"? If I don't want to fight with friends could I be put somewhere that doesn't have MySpace and cliques? Would that even change anything.
So as much as I accept change, embrace it almost, I have to wonder about why it happens in the first place. I have some concept of reality I just can't see the whole picture. I wish I could take myself out of situations and observe. Change myself for the better. Would I be a different person if I spend two weeks out with friends, instead of two weeks asleep? Is change self motivated? Or is it subconscious. Is it shaped by your friends and family?
And why does it affect everyone so darn much?
