Monday, September 17, 2007

I can't keep up I can't keep up I can't keep up

I wish there was some justification for when people "go downhill." Whether in their choices of entertainment, physical appearance, or overall demeanor, it happens more often than not. There are of course the exceptions, but in general I’ll be quoted as saying it to be laziness. Not always the typical “sit around the house” laziness, but the lack of motivation. Lacking motivation to stand up for yourself, make the often hard but right choice, keeping your pride +.
I feel that recently I have let myself go with the way I treat others. I’m filled to the brim with resentment, bitterness and anger. I love letting people feel my wrath, as weak as it always is. The absence of real power and wrath of my words is irrelevant, it is the thought behind that counts. Seniority complex has also caused me to unjustly “death glare” people in the halls of my school, or anywhere else where I feel that sense of rank. I do realize that I’m seventeen years old and know nothing about precedence, so what am I doing?
I’ve seen so many of my peers fall away. From God, from Straightedge, from simple everyday morals. It terrifies me. Scares me for them, and for what is in store for me. I don’t want to be the “what happened to her” girl. I feel like I can’t keep up, and that I’m out of step with the world (Copyright Minor Threat 1981. Dischord Records). Is it part of growing up to dumb yourself down? To make stupid choices just because the law will go easier on you? What does my generation not understand about the feeling of striving for knowledge. To make yourself more intellectual and cultured. The feeling of correcting your mistakes, and how it feels to know you’ve done well. It baffles me, and plenty of others the way my generation uses our media. More than any other time, we have the world at our fingertips, and we seem to put it to waste.
Maybe this is part of growing up. Standing strong and rising up while others might stay stagnant. No one says it is enjoyable to watch the people you love fail. Maybe these are the years that people prove or disprove themselves. I feel like I’m thirty sometimes, really.


+Pride in itself is a hard concept for me. As a Christian, pride is looked down upon, and we are to realize we are all sinners. I also see that the pride I have in most of my elementary choices is a big part of why I don’t backpedal. I feel joy in sticking with my original morals and standards. i.e. : Straightedge. Which in and of itself needs a footnote. The real Straightedge that many people outside of the situation aren’t able to grasp the concept of.