Turn that beat up

My two favorite things. Ames in the summer, and Ames on a Sunday morning. Sunday morning Ames is recovery time. Barely anyone is on the road, and are usually sleeping in. Summer in Ames is half-full, at that. So, on literally zero minutes of sleep, after pedaling back at 7:15 this morning, I turned around and took a ride through campus at 7:30 am. I just went down to Lake LaVerne and rode around that once. It was cold out, but not too cold. I passed two people on the entire trip, and it was a wonderful feeling. I love this city for what it is. I love the weather lately, and the shape I'm getting in. I like being able to ride anywhere in Ames in about 10 minutes, and actually getting a tan. I like parties, and no curfew, and working enough to make bank, but not enough to burn out. I like tights and bandanas and v-neck t-shirts. I love summer. I love Ames. I love old friends. I love love love new friends. I am so content.

Indecisions lasting for years.

I think everything has changed since January. I guess for the better? I live with my best friend. I live in my favorite town. I guess things are awkward around this place though. Two days in and already I feel out of place. But I guess that is just one of those things I will be forced to get over. This is my town, this is where I call home. So I have just as much of a right to it as you do. I sometimes don't know who I am anymore. Then I realize, that I don't care. Right now, I'm in survival mode. I often look at the corruption and failure in this world and seriously just feel on the verge of suicide. You can't escape it. I get worried.

I need God to make boys not my vice anymore. 

lets make this interesting:

You will all suffer as a pig might. You all will suffer as the swine you are.

The good advice that you just didn't take

I fit the female stereotype more than I ever want to admit. Sitting around, being bitchy, eating chocolate, and listening to Alanis Morissette.

mmmm

"feel good" revolution

Today starts a set of blogs. Specific, themed blogs, meant to release some anger, and to get my writing going again.
The first in the series, disorganized at best:

War is unending. Our country began with a war. I'm convinced it will end the same way. We will soon lose our status as the number one empire in the world. Corrupted reasons, nine trillion dollars in debt (and growing every day), and a lack of our own resources will do us in. We borrow, borrow borrow. Print, print, print. When will we have enough! When will it be enough! A war on terror, sans weapons of mass destruction, turned into a war for oil. We need our gasoline and petroleum so badly that we're sacrificing American lives. Our world is a world that would shut down without war. Why? What is the need for such an unsettling force? We are driven by conflict as humans. Plot, controversy, things like that move us along. Driven by murder and scandalous government decisions. So why are we so adamant about the importance of war? Why is peace such a hard concept to grasp? Human nature destroys me. It rips my heart into a million pieces. Genocidal killers, with no heart, where killing is no object, and they block out remorse. What gives? I ask this; why are these people deserving of the ability to block out trauma. Trauma they have caused. They are not. In war, not only are civilians and casualties victims, but everyone involved in a war is a victim in my eyes. Those who fall for the corrupted ideas of war, those who fight for a country with ideals they don't believe in. Whether these soldiers are added to mortality numbers or their souls are just demolished, they are victims. Leaders of war, Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, (in my opinion) George W. Bush, all victims. Misguided victims. Whoever started Vietnam, the generals of the Confederate states. War is a victimizing, humiliating time for all parties involved. What war are we 100% free of shame over? What war were we, or the opposing side completely moral? War is nothing but a blemish on history, that we can't seem to cure.

Hey, how could you love me this way.

Today is the most disappointed I've been in a long long time. I feel betrayed all over. By my country, by my community, by the person I should be closest to. I am really starting to consider moving away and skipping Iowa State. I want out of here. By here, I do not mean Iowa, I mean the country. I have no use for America anymore. I have no use for "friends" who don't have the common courtesy to be decent.