Genya and I have big plans and even bigger enthusiasm for them. April we turn eighteen. May we graduate. Our grad party is going to be awesome. It really is. June-ish we move to Ames. We're getting an apartment and probably missing out on dorm life. Genya's parents are moving to Colorado, so this way she doesn't have to move twice, and gets in state tuition. Plus I need to get out of this house. Honestly, rent will probably equal about what we pay for gas driving to Ames all the time. I'm excited though. Our best friends are there. Then we're going to Iowa State. Everything is amazing. I'm so excited for this all to kick into gear.
In the meantime. I write a darn good speech, and an even better love letter.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
When you're 16 you don't know what forever means.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about old people lately.
First and foremost is this man:
I stand behind him 100000%. The quote floating around the internet, "Dr. Paul cured my apathy" is right on the money. I feel like he is the only candidate that can turn this country around. Watching him speak again yesterday again reassured me in his campaign. Working downtown at the headquarters to recruit help is also so validating. Genya went with me to the "Ruckus Rally", which oddly enough, was tamer than any Ron Paul convention I've been to, and decided to join the Revolution. I was so thrilled that I took the opportunity to tell everyone about converting her to "Paulism." Including the man himself, which was followed by the three of us saying "FREEDOM" in unison, and me getting a HIGH FIVE from Ron. Seriously, high fives are the coolest thing ever. I truly feel like the only reason this man is not the front runner is because of ignorance. I highly suggest starting here: Writings of Dr. Paul
Second old person.
There is a man who comes into Nick's Bar and Grill, where I work, quite regularly. I haven't worked many times, but he has been in there almost every time. He is old, and super nice, and likes booths. Friday night Genya and I were working, and Mr. Brown had to be helped to a chair. Everyone was super worried about him, but he was apparently fine enough to drive himself home. Whether it was his three or so glasses of wine, or just old age, we're not sure. Genya heard from a waitress that Mr. Brown and his wife used to come into the restaurant all the time. She had a tube in her nose, and he would always help her around. Then one day, Mr. Brown started coming by himself. Everyone just knew. And he still comes to Nick's, probably because it reminds him of his wife. Gen pointed out that Mr. Brown still wears his wedding ring. I was suddenly in such a sad mood. I didn't know how to feel. I mean, that is what everyone wants in their life. Love that is so unconditional and consuming that after you're gone, your other has to do things to remind them of your presence. I don't know.
Third old person.
Zach's Blog
I read this and it hit home with me. I did telemarketing for State Farm for three or so months. Not only was I so happy to see this side of Zach floating around, this really is my favorite side of him haha, but I was glad someone else could relate. I think part of the reason I'm calling for the Ron Paul campaign is because I miss stories like this. If you're too lazy to click the link and haven't read it yet, in summary:
" “My name is Zach and I am a student here at Iowa State…” BAM I GET CUT OFF
.
“I have told you and told you guys to stop calling! My husband is 83 years old, and he is very sick in the hospital, EIGHTY THREE YEARS OLD! YOU GUYS JUST KEEP CALLING! and I asked the last person to take us off the list…”"
I can testify to that being the worst feeling in the world. Your heart drops, you feel like crying, and sometimes you do. The people who have to tell you "Thats my husband, he passed away *insert amount of time here*" are the people who stand out. Or the old guy who I talked to for ten minutes, because he told me that I was the first and probably last person he'd talk to all day. He told me of a book about a cat named Molly, and how he strikes back against life insurance people and retirement homes who call him. He would act all interested and then once they took him out to a free lunch, never pick up their phone calls again. I told him that I would try my best to get my boss to do the same for him, he obviously found great joy in it. Then there were the old ladies, who always called me "sweetheart" and "honey" and always were eager to give me information for quotes, even though they rarely even knew what kind of cars they owned. A lady I called and said "Saturday mornings are my gardening days sweetheart! Call back in two hours!" brought me so much joy. For as truly CRAPPY cold calling can be, it is also so rewarding and develops character. I feel like the Ron Paul calling will do this even more. It is so easy to relate to people when they want the same man in charge of the country. I already had a conversation with an older lady about why we supported him. It was awesome how we liked him for such different reasons, but also the same ones.
...OH OLD PEOPLE, BEING SO OLD AND FUNNY.
First and foremost is this man:
I stand behind him 100000%. The quote floating around the internet, "Dr. Paul cured my apathy" is right on the money. I feel like he is the only candidate that can turn this country around. Watching him speak again yesterday again reassured me in his campaign. Working downtown at the headquarters to recruit help is also so validating. Genya went with me to the "Ruckus Rally", which oddly enough, was tamer than any Ron Paul convention I've been to, and decided to join the Revolution. I was so thrilled that I took the opportunity to tell everyone about converting her to "Paulism." Including the man himself, which was followed by the three of us saying "FREEDOM" in unison, and me getting a HIGH FIVE from Ron. Seriously, high fives are the coolest thing ever. I truly feel like the only reason this man is not the front runner is because of ignorance. I highly suggest starting here: Writings of Dr. Paul
Second old person.
There is a man who comes into Nick's Bar and Grill, where I work, quite regularly. I haven't worked many times, but he has been in there almost every time. He is old, and super nice, and likes booths. Friday night Genya and I were working, and Mr. Brown had to be helped to a chair. Everyone was super worried about him, but he was apparently fine enough to drive himself home. Whether it was his three or so glasses of wine, or just old age, we're not sure. Genya heard from a waitress that Mr. Brown and his wife used to come into the restaurant all the time. She had a tube in her nose, and he would always help her around. Then one day, Mr. Brown started coming by himself. Everyone just knew. And he still comes to Nick's, probably because it reminds him of his wife. Gen pointed out that Mr. Brown still wears his wedding ring. I was suddenly in such a sad mood. I didn't know how to feel. I mean, that is what everyone wants in their life. Love that is so unconditional and consuming that after you're gone, your other has to do things to remind them of your presence. I don't know.
Third old person.
Zach's Blog
I read this and it hit home with me. I did telemarketing for State Farm for three or so months. Not only was I so happy to see this side of Zach floating around, this really is my favorite side of him haha, but I was glad someone else could relate. I think part of the reason I'm calling for the Ron Paul campaign is because I miss stories like this. If you're too lazy to click the link and haven't read it yet, in summary:
" “My name is Zach and I am a student here at Iowa State…” BAM I GET CUT OFF
.
“I have told you and told you guys to stop calling! My husband is 83 years old, and he is very sick in the hospital, EIGHTY THREE YEARS OLD! YOU GUYS JUST KEEP CALLING! and I asked the last person to take us off the list…”"
I can testify to that being the worst feeling in the world. Your heart drops, you feel like crying, and sometimes you do. The people who have to tell you "Thats my husband, he passed away *insert amount of time here*" are the people who stand out. Or the old guy who I talked to for ten minutes, because he told me that I was the first and probably last person he'd talk to all day. He told me of a book about a cat named Molly, and how he strikes back against life insurance people and retirement homes who call him. He would act all interested and then once they took him out to a free lunch, never pick up their phone calls again. I told him that I would try my best to get my boss to do the same for him, he obviously found great joy in it. Then there were the old ladies, who always called me "sweetheart" and "honey" and always were eager to give me information for quotes, even though they rarely even knew what kind of cars they owned. A lady I called and said "Saturday mornings are my gardening days sweetheart! Call back in two hours!" brought me so much joy. For as truly CRAPPY cold calling can be, it is also so rewarding and develops character. I feel like the Ron Paul calling will do this even more. It is so easy to relate to people when they want the same man in charge of the country. I already had a conversation with an older lady about why we supported him. It was awesome how we liked him for such different reasons, but also the same ones.
...OH OLD PEOPLE, BEING SO OLD AND FUNNY.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I've spent my life questioning everything
Whoah, long time no blog!
The true sign that things are going well for me.
This school change was the best idea my mother has ever had. I already feel immersed in the love of God and I feel a change already. The reluctance I felt even a week ago is quickly dissipating. A trip to California made me realize a lot of things about my dad, and start to forgive him. Amazingly. I have the most amazing people in my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. In health today we were talking about depression, and I realized I wake up truly happy now. Such a change from sixth grade, from seventh, from eighth, all the way up until May. I remember being such a downer around that time, I don't know what changed. I have had one true bad mood in the past month. It used to be the exact opposite.
The true sign that things are going well for me.
This school change was the best idea my mother has ever had. I already feel immersed in the love of God and I feel a change already. The reluctance I felt even a week ago is quickly dissipating. A trip to California made me realize a lot of things about my dad, and start to forgive him. Amazingly. I have the most amazing people in my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. In health today we were talking about depression, and I realized I wake up truly happy now. Such a change from sixth grade, from seventh, from eighth, all the way up until May. I remember being such a downer around that time, I don't know what changed. I have had one true bad mood in the past month. It used to be the exact opposite.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Please take my life and use it, I'm ready.
I'm making the choice to come clean about some things. I'm putting this on the internet because it it benefits no one to keep it in my head. I don't want to hide things, nor do I want to keep them this way. That being said, this is not easy for me.
My struggle with faith is coming to a fork in the road. Christianity is always a struggle, but I keep to myself about it, for the most part. A few close friends and I have been talking a lot today about our struggles. Most likely provoked by talking to someone at the show in Ames on Saturday. This guy was going around asking about how we were with our faith. What? No one actually cares about where other people stand with Christ! No one actually out of the blue will offer to help. I'm so envious of the way he goes about his life. While to non-believers, it was annoying and unwanted, to at least three of us it made a huge impact. I am admitting that I have not fully given my life to God. I am holding back huge parts of my soul. Being a Christian is so hard, and I haven't put in the effort. For a couple of months I've been trying to remain a Christian, and failing at that. I know in the back of my mind, and in my heart that I haven't given Christianity the shot it deserves. I was contemplating giving up on something that I never really understood in the first place. I have encouragement now, and have been opened up to people who stand at the same place as I do. One of my closest friends, raised Christian, chose Atheism, is more vocal with his faith now than he ever was. A friend who I used to see eye to eye with, and he fell away, and then I started to slip, now is truly giving it a shot. I'm not going to let these people fail, I will lift them up and encourage them as they will do for me. I am truly choosing God this time, not just giving it a trial run. I really do regret living as a "Christian". I will until I truly have become one with God. I don't want any of this fake Christian stuff anymore. I'm not calling myself a Jesus follower until I actually follow through. I don't want to contribute to the bad name Christians already have at my age. I'm terrified to actually change the way I live my life. I'm terrified to actually do what God tells me to do. I'm terrified to go beyond the realizations of God's work, and the occasional reading of my bible. I'm scared to do more than pray to a God I don't honor every night. Because that is what I truly do.
I'm leaving myself vulnerable and open right now. I need this more than anything.
My struggle with faith is coming to a fork in the road. Christianity is always a struggle, but I keep to myself about it, for the most part. A few close friends and I have been talking a lot today about our struggles. Most likely provoked by talking to someone at the show in Ames on Saturday. This guy was going around asking about how we were with our faith. What? No one actually cares about where other people stand with Christ! No one actually out of the blue will offer to help. I'm so envious of the way he goes about his life. While to non-believers, it was annoying and unwanted, to at least three of us it made a huge impact. I am admitting that I have not fully given my life to God. I am holding back huge parts of my soul. Being a Christian is so hard, and I haven't put in the effort. For a couple of months I've been trying to remain a Christian, and failing at that. I know in the back of my mind, and in my heart that I haven't given Christianity the shot it deserves. I was contemplating giving up on something that I never really understood in the first place. I have encouragement now, and have been opened up to people who stand at the same place as I do. One of my closest friends, raised Christian, chose Atheism, is more vocal with his faith now than he ever was. A friend who I used to see eye to eye with, and he fell away, and then I started to slip, now is truly giving it a shot. I'm not going to let these people fail, I will lift them up and encourage them as they will do for me. I am truly choosing God this time, not just giving it a trial run. I really do regret living as a "Christian". I will until I truly have become one with God. I don't want any of this fake Christian stuff anymore. I'm not calling myself a Jesus follower until I actually follow through. I don't want to contribute to the bad name Christians already have at my age. I'm terrified to actually change the way I live my life. I'm terrified to actually do what God tells me to do. I'm terrified to go beyond the realizations of God's work, and the occasional reading of my bible. I'm scared to do more than pray to a God I don't honor every night. Because that is what I truly do.
I'm leaving myself vulnerable and open right now. I need this more than anything.
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