Thursday, November 30, 2006

I've been jumping from the tops of buildings.

So today was pretty much the best day of my life. Hahah, not even kidding. I was in an amazing mood for some reason, and it never got bad. I think actually sleeping had a big impact on that. I feel refreshed in every sense of the word. School went by pretty quickly and painlessly. I'm incredibly excited to do this assignment for creative writing. I have to interpret a poem, and although I don't know how it's going to work, or what poem I'm going to do, I'm super stoked. And my friends seem to be happy, and I'm really happy when things go their way. One of my best friends is finally getting what she deserves, and it seriously makes me want to cry. It's a good thing, a good guy actually, who I approve of and really genuinely like. Aww yay. After school Amanda and Zack Beckman and I went to Valley West, and I tried on jeans. I think that was the highlight to my day prior to hanging out with Bryan. I really like American Eagle jeans the the sizing. hahahah. Whatever makes me feel better about myself right?
I get kind of weirded out by my mood swings, if you look at what I posted a couple days ago and then looked at this you'd probably diagnose me with Bi-Polar disorder, haha. Bryan and I went to The Prestige tonight and it was actually really good. It made me think, of course. And I had been thinking about something like it earlier as well. I think the biggest change I've noticed in myself over the past couple years is how I observe things. "It takes one to know one", I can instantly spot when people are doing things I've done now. I used to be so naive, but I notice people and their intentions now. I'm pretty proud of myself. Cool life Lindsey, this is common people skills.
It was so cold out tonight. Bry and I went to Starbucks and I swear, hot chocolate has never been better. It made me really excited for winter actually, which is really strange for me. But really, it's such a "cute" season. I didn't say that actually, Bryan did, just fyi. haha! But yeah, I'm pretty happy with today. And I'm pretty sure today was the best day of my life. So yeah! I think I'll go to sleep early tonight. But Bryan had like 3894728 shots (okay, two) shots of espresso so who knows how that will work out.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

And I try but I'm not convinced

All in all, today was fantastic.
Today= 12am-now.
After hearing about many relationships and cheaters and straight up "hoes" I came to the conclusion that I'm really lucky. Not that I didn't already know that. I got three hours of sleep, so I was in an adrenaline good mood. I had good jokes, I had a great time hanging out with Bryan, I did well on my AP Chem test, and my best friend's birthday is tomorrow.

I also found some amazing poems
thanks to Cody and Barnes & Noble.

Sorry if this isn't your thing. Whateva whateva!

Cock-Pit

Cock-pit
I am real Take a snapshot of me
He is real, shot
Reality is what has been
concealed from us for so long
birth sex death
we're alive when we laugh
when we can feel the
rush & spurt of blood
blood is real in its redness
the rainbow is real in absence of blood





When I Met My Muse

I glanced at her and took my glasses
off--they were still singing. They buzzed
like a locust on the coffee table and then
ceased. Her voice belled forth, and the
sunlight bent. I felt the ceiling arch, and
knew that nails up there took a new grip
on whatever they touched. "I am your own
way of looking at things," she said. "When
you allow me to live with you, every
glance at the world around you will be
a sort of salvation." And I took her hand.

-William Stafford

Hahah, I just think those are so cute. You might have to be female, or even be me to see the cuteness in the first one.

Niiiiiiiight!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Staring at this mirror and I'm wondering who you are.

This is basically a compilation of things that describe me really well. Basically, if you don't really know me that well, you would be able to find out a lot more just through these things.

To Write Love On Her Arms
-This is pretty much the first organization I've connected with. With all of the "emo" trends surrounding me I know this thing well. I've had many good friends who have struggled with self mutilation, and I understand the toll it takes on them and everyone around them. I'm lucky enough to never let it get to that point, but so many other people have. It's also a Christian organization, but they are so focused on helping others I think that has a very small part in it. Many of my favorite artists are supporting this organization, and I think it's great that because of them more people will find help. I'd encourage everyone to check it out, because most likely you know/know of someone who has done the same thing.









-Photography. I wish I had more time and ambition to pursue it. It's actually an art form I somewhat enjoy. I don't claim to be good at it at all, I know I'm probably far from that, but I love being able to look back at things and feel good about them. I like the feeling of taking a hundred pictures to get one that I think is decent. I am considering focusing more on this, and I hope something comes out of it.


The Rocket Summer
-Basically my everything. This man has changed my ideas on everything. I'm sure people get sick of me talking about TRS, but good music is hard to come by. The person he comes off to be is basically who I aspire to be and if you think I'm crazy then I ask you to read this.


Techno Dance
-Hahaha. I guess my personality comes out a lot through this video. My friends and I are obviously really cool, but this basically shows that I'm not always so serious and down on myself.







-These books have changed my opinion on literature a lot. Chbosky and Bukowski both write so honestly that I feel like exaggerating would be a crime. I'm sure Bukowski twisted things around to make himself look better, but he still doesn't come off as a very good person at all. But humans make mistakes.

Forever 21
-People tend to say this store reminds them of me. I hope that's a good thing. I love clothes and outfits. I secretly love it when people say "whoah I like that but I could never pull it off." haha. I do what I want I do what I want!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend.

I guess I need this blog thing. I write on my own, but sometimes I just need to share it, tell everyone. LiveJournal and Facebook just aren't cutting it, sorry. I think I get things so twisted around in my head they don't ever come out right. I told Bryan I think I have anxiety problems, and that I'm a hypochondriac. Ha, pretty much. I obviously could sleep if I wanted to. I just choose to blame it on anxiousness. Today was slightly rough, I really hate going back to school after a break. It was a good day and all, but I had realized how much school brings me down. Over this break I realized the most important people to me. The people who are there for me, and have been. I'm really sorry if you feel left out or whatever, that isn't my intention. But at this point I need my real friends.

First and foremost is God.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident."
-Psalm 27
That pretty much sums it up. The dependency and comfort I've always, and always will need. Honestly, who could ask for more. If you have a relationship with God I think you know what I mean, and if you don't you're not going to through a blog. hahah.

Of all people I'm going to name, I've known Bryan the shortest amount of time. But throughout the summer, and over these past four months (yes I know it seems like longer. haha) I've figured a lot of things out. I can honestly say I trust him with anything. And although he doesn't always understand my point of view, I never feel dumb for saying it. Unless I knew from the get-go it was dumb. As much as people hate Bryan's brutal honesty, it is something I really needed. I don't need liars and fake friends in my life. I'll never be emotionally stable for that. I don't really need to go into detail about how happy I am and stuff, so I won't.

I've started to learn what types of people I get along with. It all comes down to: mainly boys. Really. Take Matt Gardiner for example. I've known him for almost two years now and he's still my best friend. The only person I tell more to is Bryan. Matt is the kind of friend you spend days and days and days discussing the things no one else will talk about you with. Confused? We basically talk about Bryan and Kallsy 24/7. No one else wants to hear us go on and on and on about them. I'm really glad to have someone that is so brotherlike to me and now that we're at the school it's nonstop BFF time.

As far as female friends go, meh.
Amanda Russell is basically the girl version of Matt. She listens to me complain for hours and hours and hours. And never tells me to shut up. For that I think she is slightly stupid, but I appreciate it a lot. Another person I trust completely. She's pretty much one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. We basically clicked instantly because we're both dumb. We realize we're stupid, so this isn't mean at all. We're pretty frickin stupid. haha.

Kat Huppert is one of those people you take for granted. I hate that. I didn't realize what value good friends had until very recently. I'm glad she didn't give up on me. I won't ever give up on her. Bryan's brutal honesty has helped a lot with me straight up telling her what I think is best for her. It may suck to hear, but she doesn't ever get mad, and I know I'm doing the right thing by looking out for her. If you say one word about this girl I'll kick you in the face. I swear.

Actually, the person I've known the shortest is Kayla Lewis. We spent all summer together, mainly because of Mitch and Bryan. It was great having another girl there to complain about stupid boy stuff with. We seriously can stay up until 6 in the morning catching up. And we do. She's pretty much my life and I'm super happy she's transferring back to Des Moines. I also wanted to be her lipring for halloween. :)

And the gayest person I've ever met is probably Genya Tolmatsky. We basically hated eachother until 9th grade. I've known her longer than anyone I'm still friends with. Apparently we look a lot alike, which I'm starting to realize is a good thing. Because then I can talk to someone who knows exactly what it feels like to be insecure over certain things. Hahah. We get ourselves into stupid situations and we play badmitton like champs. She lets me sing "Hava Nagila" whenever because I'm awesome.


I guess if you're not really close to me you won't understand all of these. Probably if you're not one of them you won't. I'm not saying I don't appreciate all my other friends, honestly there are a lot of people who mean a lot to me. But there aren't many who have stood the test of time and highschool. These people mean the world to me, without them I'd be nowhere. They're all so different, some of them have never even met eachother, but what it comes down to is that they're great people. I've never had people who look out for me like they do.

Okay, I seriously am sleep deficient, so I'm going to attempt rest.
Galatians + bed + rain = hopefullysleeping haha