You've so convinced me theres a life worth living for

Okay, I avoided it in my last post.

I'm having a really bad week. We don't need to say why, but it sucks. I've wrathed a few undeserving people, and one girl who needed a life lesson. I know in my heart that being mean is not the right thing to do, but between being a senior and trying to compensate for my own hurting has pushed me so far away from what I want to do. I don't know how long I'll let it go on. I'm on an insane power trip and I'm going to let it take its course a little bit longer. I love the friends who have actually been there for me the past two days though. I've had fun times on top of bad days. Not much beats that.








(me and nick fishing in animal crossing!!!)

We are the bright lights in these dark times.

Hahahahaha.
Sweet sign brah!

I officially have that syndrome so stupidly coined "Senioritis".
I have such easy classes this semester, life is a breeze right now. I feel like skipping first period almost daily. I get out at 1:15 or 1:45 every day. Wednesday I'm at school from 9:45 to 1:15. Not bad at all. I spend first period in Independent Lit Survey reading Mein Kampf, and occasionally playing my DS Lite. My next class is French 3, which I'm re-taking for a better grade and a filler class. Then photo, where I sit and watch how naive all the n00bie sophomores are and look up vegan recipes online. Fifth I have Advanced Contemporary Lit, where I sit and stare at my teacher, haha ;). Sixth I have Advanced Composition, so I actually have homework assignments that I don't mind doing at all. I've been out late every night this week. Enjoying my life as much as possible. Making Thai noodles with tofu and drinkin soy Chai. Today, Genya and I are making Vegan Brownies and Snickerdoodles. So frickin solid.

Sup n00bs.
Make your own KFC sign at peta2.com

Your victims have been voiceless so we've spoken for them

Vegan: a strict vegetarian : one that consumes no animal food or dairy products

I cut eggs from my diet. Now I've started drinking soy milk only. I next am cutting cheese and yogurt from my diet. Then after that it gets serious. I have to watch everything I eat and avoid all dairy and animal products. I'm more excited for this I have been for anything in a while. One more standard of living for me to hold myself to. One more goal to reach. One more thing to be proud of.

Thanks Iowa State Fair for showcasing the fact that most animals are only raised to be killed. Thanks a lot.


“On November 17, 2003, [an employee] twisted the neck of a live chicken until the
head popped off; he then used what remained of the bloodied body of the chicken to
write graffiti on the wall.”

“On November 17, 2003, [an employee] intentionally squeezed two live chickens so
hard that feces squirted out of them. [He] directed the feces into the eyes of seven
other live chickens, exclaiming, ‘They shit all over us every day.’”

“On December 22, 2003, [an employee] placed a live chicken on the floor and jumped on the bird; the
bird exploded under his weight, and her intestines were visible.”

“On April 9, 2004, [an employee] placed a latex glove over the head of a live chicken and watched as
the chicken gasped for air and then died.”

I refuse to ever step foot into another KFC
heartless.

Where is your faith

Done with Tropical Sno. Done with summer. Done with adolescence. I sort of stole the latter idea from a friend, but it makes sense. In two days I start the last year of high school. And that is so awesome. I'm ready to be a big kid. After spending the night/day in Ames and having it during the school year, I'm itching for it. The past two days were so nice. ATA's last show. Bittersweet, but not dramatic. Typical ATA fashion I guess. Hanging out, getting lost in Friley. Awkward hellos during awkward goodbyes ;). Mario Kart. 3:45 fire drills. 4 am trips to Wallace to hang out. Basically having therapy in that 2.5 hours. Only sleeping less than 3 hours. Cornerstone messages that speak directly to me and make me so full of emotion. Seeing Cliff at the UDCC. Hanging out with Tyler, and Facebooking?

Then, my life snapped back to reality and I had to come back to Des Moines. Bum out.

I hate everyone, and everything

I'm so stressed out I can't handle it. Tropical Sno is ruining my life, day by day. I feel forced to work long hours, with kids who don't know what they're doing in the first place. The kind of people that shouldn't be working there are, and it is the most aggravating situation yet. I miss my friends. I miss working with Aubrey because even though she was lame at working, we had the best time ever. All Bryan and I do is work and sleep. Work work work, sleep sleep sleep. Get up too early, go to bed too late, be crabby the next day. Vicious vicious cycle. I don't want school to start again. I don't like girls my age. I don't like guys my age. Minus like, two. I don't like Valley. I want to be in Ames with all my friends. I know I'm going to need them a lot this year, and I hope I can arrange that. I love my friends so much. I love sitting on bridges over highway 30 at 1 am and just talking about "surprise sex" and other things like that. Having dramatic battles with Cody, and getting home hours after curfew. I love Dylan and Carlos, and being bitter and spiteful, and trying to ruin lives. I have a great senior schedule though, filled with English classes. No math, no science. I just need God to keep me informed on who to know and who not to know. To trust that when I go with my heart, it is for a good reason. We'll see what this year brings. Hopefully not too much lonliness and stupidity.

#23

"He is retarded. There are things that he understands. He can get along on his own ok. The doctors say that his condition is deteriorating rapidly. Last year he understood this, now it isn't clear. He has never touched a woman. He knows that he never will. He eagerly awaits the day when he no longer feels the attraction for them. As it is right now, it hurts so much, so deeply, that he cries and loses control of himself. He has caused many embarrassing moments for his family. They don't what know what his problem is, why all of a sudden he'll cry and start to scream. They can't take him out anymore. He is smart enough to know that he's not like the rest of them. He waits for this deep pain to end."

This is part of a book I wish I hadn't put off buying. You know, a friend tosses the name around, you see it at Barnes and Noble multiple times, pick it up quite a few times. The guy from Black Flag, that band you should listen to, but don't. The band you want to listen to, but don't. You see American Hardcore, you see that this guy isn't another burnout and he knows his stuff. You go to Barnes and Noble. You buy Black Coffee Blues by this guy. You sit at Java Joe's waiting for your vegetarian Canadian Bacon sandwich. You read the first few pages. You want to read more. You eat your sandwich outside of Vaudeville Mews. You read the book. You get offered marijuana. You find the blurbs presented in this section more interesting than the local band, or the pipe five feet away. You show a friend, you tell another friend to read it. You carry it around in your purse. You want more from this author. You write blogs about the book.

Thank you Henry Rollins.

revolution!

Destroy everything.

I've really enjoyed this week. I haven't gotten to see Bry much, but that is the only downfall. I've hung out with Genya a lot, and I'm so glad. She is one of the only girls I can actually stand to be around. I hate females. With a burning passion. I hate being one. So it was nice to have a good week with one, ya know what I mean? Hanging out with Nick was fun today too. It is nice having someone my age who understands where I'm coming from on so many high school frustrations. Like people who read bad literature, and people who get drunk every night. Its also nice to have someone to talk about Christianity with and not feel inferior. Coming from the same religious background helps enormously. I faced my fears and went into Mayhem today. The comic book store on Lincoln Way. The nerds hate me and I went in there, being all brave and stuff. I wish I was brave in other aspects of my life. I wish Cody wasn't so right all the time. About me being too nice and how its stupid I don't stand up for myself. I truly feel like Bryan and Cody are the only people who look out for me and want the best for me. And I'm not saying that to be passive aggressive. But the two most honest people in my life are honest because they're sick of me being upset. I'm freaking out about Bryan going to Minnesota. I'm glad Code will be in Ames this year though. Even if he's being stupid and anti-social, it'll be helpful.

I bought a prepaid phone so that I can text again. Social anxiety outlet!

To look into my heart was to look into hell

hahah, i love my life and love my friendssssssssssssssssss
genya adventures and ames/nick adventures r00l!

You tell me what to say, and when to say it. You tell me what to do, and how to do it.

Probably the best week ever. Get ready. Thats only Monday.

Oh, and P frickin S:
If one more person tells me not to dye my hair and criticizes my choices, I think I'm going to snap. Stay out of my life and my choices, because I can and will make my own decisions. I'm seventeen, I've been dying my hair since the seventh grade. I'm pretty sure I'm more experienced with it that anyone who has told me how bad it is for my STILL HEALTHY hair. I don't understand why my choices are actually supposed to be everyone elses. I just wish people would leave me alone and not tell me who to hang out with, or what to wear, or what to listen to, or how to dye MY fuggin hair. I like the music I listen to, I like the people I hang out with, I like the clothes I wear. Just because its not what you like, or who you like, doesn't mean I don't. I'm so frustrated I just want to get out of here.


...oops. angry rant