But words mean nothing when you can’t back them up and you’re not worth my time so go get fucked.

My journey to misanthropy has finally come to a conclusion. It's funny how when Genya tells me "I love you so much Lindsey, please don't give up on people you know that there are good people out there. And I promise you that I'll never let you down, okay?" I can hear myself saying the exact same thing to Cody hundreds upon hundreds of times. And when I think "If I don't depend on anyone, no one can let me down." I hear Cody telling me that hundreds of hundreds of times. I can tell you this much, I don't want to hate everyone. I don't want to turn into the hate filled person Cody is, and I know how miserable he is. We even talked about this on my way home from Ames at four in the morning. Haaaah. I am blessed that I have productive(ish) stable coping mechanisms. Where Cody has the internet, I have Jesus, The Bible, other books, and even Mario Kart. I just can't seem to find good people to surround myself with. Everyone lets me down. I just keep choosing the wrong people to let back into my life. I forgive always, I become friends with the person again all too often. I always choose the wrong ones though. From now on, people have two chances with me. If they blow it, they blow it. I'm not letting people screw me over all the time anymore. I got pushed to the edge when people let me down six different times yesterday. SIX. I've decided against anyone but Bryan, Cody, Dylan, Nick and Genya. No one is worth my time anymore. I just can't trust that I'm not going to end up getting hurt by other people's stupidity. I made a vow never to sleep in my Jeep again. I refuse to wake up in Lot 60 to the sounds of drunk people at 2:30 am. To not be able to sleep because I'm shivering my brains out. I'm at such a loss for words now, I think I'll just sleep the rest of this weekend. All I know is I won't be in Ames until I can find some decent friends.